Who says you can't have it all?

Tonight is the ward Halloween party so stay tuned for fabulous Halloween pictures. Ainsley's beyond excited that she gets to dress up tonight. I'm going to take her to Target to get some glitter make up too.

Jim's back in town and he was annoyed that the minute he walked in the door I bailed into my bedroom to take a breather from kids. Caelan is so irritable lately and I keep thinking maybe she's teething, but then no teeth come in and so I'm stumped except that maybe she's just a rotten apple, sigh.

I read my friend Kasey's blog and it's so funny how all mothers seem to feel the same way ALL the time. Does anyone really have it all together? Are there mothers that don't get overwhelmed at all? Their house is always clean, their kids are always dressed, and their husband is always happy? And they still have time to scrapbook every moment of their child's life, attend Enrichment for spiritual enlightenment, plan elaborate family home evenings every Monday, are 10 minutes early to church every Sunday and their kids sit perfectly still and listen and don't scream or embarrass them. Surely such a mother exists right? Because if she didn't exist then why do all the average mothers of the world think we're falling short?

Do the mothers that put on the outward appearance of perfection think they're doing someone a favor? Wouldn't it be better if we were all not ashamed of what kind of parent we are? If we weren't afraid to admit that our child ate an entire can of spaghettio's and we didn't even care because it was the only thing you could get her to eat all day long? And what if it was okay to admit that you let your child watch spongebob all day just so you could have some alone time. And what if you could admit that a couple times a week you drove through McDonalds or KFC for dinner so that you could have a break from cooking and dishes? What if we could all admit this to each other without feeling like we're somehow falling short of our motherly duties? Are my kids going to grow up fat lazy slobs because I let my guard down once in a while just so I could have some time inside my own head?

Probably not.

Or maybe they are?

And maybe the perfect mothers could admit that in their effort to be the perfect mother they've lost who they are and forgotten what it is just to be a person. And maybe they're okay with that and okay with the fact that they alienated every other child-bearer within a 10 mile radius because they're too busy trying to put on a show?

This really wasn't aimed at ANYONE (I don't want my blog readers to think I'm ranting on anyone in particular because really I'm not, I don't even know people like this anymore, but I know they still exist, if even in my own head)

I think it's more of a question why sometimes we feel like we fall short. I remember telling my aunt Beth that as mothers we can only expect to do our very best. If our very best is different than someone elses very best then it just doesn't matter. As long as we can look at ourselves in the mirror and say "I'm being the best mother I know how to be" then nothing else should be of importance.

Jim and I talked about my dad the other day and how people looking in might think he's a pretty cruddy dad and how strange it is that I really have no personal relationship with him. But I always remember the kind of childhood he had and to be perfectly honest I truly believe that he was/is the best dad he knows how to be and that's all I can ask of him. Because of that, in my perception, it makes him a GREAT dad.

My mother too. In many ways I feel that I compare myself to her and I know that there are many things she did better than I do, but maybe there are things that I do a little better than she did and in our differences there is balance? I think I have a harder time comparing myself to my sister. And I'm sure she'll contest that she's not as perfect as she is in my own head. But maybe having a mother/sister to compare ourselves to is a good way of reminding us of the things we can do better (as long as we don't let it make us feel inadequate right?)

This entry got a little sidetracked, but sometimes I need to remind myself that it's okay to be imperfect. It's okay to have my own needs. And it's definitely okay to let the laundry and dishes pile up once in a while so that I can read a book.